Some things you just know. For instance, when you're born if everything develops correctly, you know how to breathe. No one has you sit down so that they can teach you how to breathe. It just happens and you continue to breathe every day for your entire life. If your body doesn't get enough air it will struggle and fight until it gets the oxygen that it needs. It's instinct. Some things you just know.
I've known many different things for a long time but I'm just learning even more now. I'm learning how to be a wife. I'm learning how to balance my old life, that I loved very much, with my new life that is better than anything I could have dreamt for myself. That's not instinct. That is learned behavior. I got married a few months ago. I met my husband in college and one day I just knew. I knew he was the one for me. During our four years of courtship, dating and now marriage things have not been easy and I haven't always known what was going to happen next but some things you just know.
It happened to me this weekend at my sister-in-laws college graduation party. I was holding my godson in my arms. Now let me preface this by saying, I adore that little boy. My DH and I were asked to be the godparents to my DH's baby cousin and it was the most honored we have ever been in our lives. To be entrusted with the responsibility was breathtaking. Now I had stolen the baby from another family member and before I took him from her I had been enjoying a few adult beverages and talking with some friends of ours. I was no means drunk (before you start in on the holding-a-baby-while-drinking-is-irresponsible bit) but I had been enjoying myself. I took the baby and went and picked up my drink. I had a baby in one hand and a beer in the other and suddenly I felt like I had been smacked in the face.
On one hand, my old life. Pre DH, pre house, pre fur baby, pre career. My old life with my family-like-friends and in my hometown. The life in which I was known as a crazy girl who would do insane things with very little coaxing necessary.
On the other hand, my new life. My life with my husband and my career. My life in a new town with new friends and an extended family. My new life involving my godson and plans and dreams and a life where I am much more respectable in my actions and decision making.
So I was faced with a choice. The baby or the beer. (because no one wants to be seen with a baby on one hip and a beer in the other hand. It just screams "I"M A HOT MESS JUDGE ME!" lets be honest here.) So I put down the beer and walked away.
I never wanted to be a mom. Until I did. Even then I always wondered if I would be any good at it or if I would ever be ready. I made a decision. A simple decision that for some would mean nothing but to me it meant everything. I will be a good mom and I am ready.
Some things you just know.
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